Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5567 of 6371
**chokehold, spin, slam to the floor** Hello Wednesday!!
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09-28-2010 14:53 by Scarlet
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At night, every car that drives behind me automatically becomes a cop car.
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09-28-2010 14:43
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- - Stephen Hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day.
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09-28-2010 14:31 by trickz100
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- If round pegs fit in round holes, and square pegs fit in square holes, why isnt my c*ck shaped like an axe?
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09-28-2010 14:20 by trickz100
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Thought it was true love, but you know women lie.
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09-28-2010 14:19
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The "Like" button is the new red AIDS ribbon. It allows people to feel like they're being supportive without having to actually do anything.
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09-28-2010 13:42
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I didn't realize Toyota was so LGBT friendly, but apparently the Tundra comes with an aluminum tranny.
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09-28-2010 13:41
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In the wake of the tornado, Fox News is whipping up a frenzy over the plans of some munchkins to build a community center in Williamsburg.
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09-28-2010 13:40
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.If you ever start to feel good about humanity, just spend five minutes in a Trader Joe's parking lot.
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09-28-2010 13:37
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having a threesome with aunt jemima & mrs. butterworth
I got an enema in honor of National Punctuation Day. I now have a perfect colon.
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09-28-2010 13:03 by me
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California is suspending executions due to lethal drug shortage. Someone should talk to Texas. I bet they're storing their surplus in caves.
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09-28-2010 13:03 by me
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Ahh Sams Club.. Ever notice the people who frequent that place? It's kind of like the bar scene from StarWars
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09-28-2010 12:34
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If your thinking of watching...Scott Pilgrim vs. the World...Just shoot yourself in the face now and save yourself some misery.
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09-28-2010 11:52 by John
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The first testicular guard “Cup” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. We have our priorities…
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09-28-2010 11:16 by Michael
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If you cant beat them, put a few drops of Visine in their coffee.
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09-28-2010 11:04 by @tejas74
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I ran my WII, PS3 and Xbox 360 all at the same time. Jesus appeared in my living room and shook his index finger at me.
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09-28-2010 11:03 by @tejas74
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Don't you just hate it when you're in the express queue at the supermarket and the person in front of you has 15-20 items in their basket and you only have 2...
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09-28-2010 10:01
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attempting to cook a blackbean & chicken rice dish but can't see with all the thick black smoke and as for these bloody alarms ringing in my ears, saying that it must smell good, 8 men have just piled out of a red truck are trying to break down my door
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09-28-2010 09:52 by pabs
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Oh I can see by your Four Square there that you just checked into Target. Be sure to notify us all when you check into therapy.