Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5564 of 6371
all I need is a little piece and quiet, so give me a little piece and i'll be quiet
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09-29-2010 18:46
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Dear kanye west, Roses are red. Violets are blue. If Justin Bieber wins another award you know what to do.+++
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09-29-2010 18:06
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Wonders when my kids are going to realize the bathroom is not a portal to another dimension, and I am not running away- I just need to pee.
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09-29-2010 17:58
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Never hit a man with glasses...try using a baseball bat.
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09-29-2010 17:39
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if stupidity was music you would be a one man band!!!
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09-29-2010 17:19
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I'm going to open my own Walmart... Every register will be manned... A bouncer at each front door that will not let "THE PEOPLE OF WALMART" come in. And the slogan will be "Get yo' sh@# & get out."
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09-29-2010 17:00
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Sometimes I wish I could Ctrl, Alt, Delete my life
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09-29-2010 16:22
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thinks we should all go out for Octoberfest and make it a monthlyfest!!
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09-29-2010 16:10
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I may be addicted to brake fluid but I can stop at any time.
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09-29-2010 16:04 by Aaron
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Febreeze should make a scent powerful enough to remove wtf is that awful smell, instead of just wtf is that awful smell plus Febreeze.
The first thing I always do when a cop pulls me over is remind him he can't arrest me without a warrant so he knows he's dealing with a pro.
Myspace who?
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09-29-2010 15:40 by Ronnie
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When I see a photo enforced traffic light, I pose and wave as I run it, tons of adoring fans at the county courthouse send me letters.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
My internet is so slow, it would be faster to just drive to Google's headquarters and ask them this sh!t in person.
This ban on texting while driving only makes things worse. Now I have to worry about driving, texting AND not getting caught texting.
At least once a week, everyone should bike to work, so there will be less traffic for me.
You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.
If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot", you are wasting everybody's time.
I asked my co-worker if he think he's going to Heaven. He said, "Hell yea!"......
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09-29-2010 13:35 by @TeeWuu86
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