Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Would you tap that???..I wouldnt even poke it on facebook!!!!

   "just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. "

   Sometimes you feel like a million bucks..sometimes you feel like a foodstamp.

   packing his bags...going on a guilt trip!

   thinks that when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

   thinks that there is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

   If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

   Schizophrenia - together I can beat it.

   She says she doesn't have to change her relationship status on Facebook to show her love? It's because she's still banging her ex.

   Dear Chile --- When you're done rescuing everybody, can we send you Ryan Seacrest, Britney, Lindsay, Paris and Snooki?

   If you're playing checkers on a boat with a monkey, how many ducks does it take to change the oil in a fish tank?

   At a recent job interview: What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths? Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.And your strengths? I'm Batman.

   Well today was a total waste of makeup.

   never knew they mined for chili. You learn something new every day.

   I hate how mainstream and famous the miners have become. I liked it when they were a bit more underground.

   A pack of weed- 30 bucks, rollin paper 2 bucks, n the joy after smoking it priceless

   When the world gives you lemons, make orange juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

   Have 33 men you need pulled out of a deep, dark hole? Call Kim Kardashian's gynecologist.

   You have to feel sorry for the Mother's of the Chilean miners. The waiting, the pain, seeing their kids come out slowly from a small dark hole. It's like child birth all over again

   Ya win some, ya loose some.. But nothing is better than getting some!