Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oooo God, Facebook was down for about 30 mins or so, I'm predicting a baby-boom in about 8 months... =)

   loves Halloween, as people dont mind your garden looking scary

   why is burqas classified as crime, when lady gaga can wear raw meat as an outfit in public?

   which kind of vinegar must your bath towel smell like until you actually get a clean one?

   History lessons in our time whr easy, at least people fought for a purpose, feel sorry for next generation to keep up with the History

   's wondering where Chinese gets their English names from

   Sometimes I think that the only reason that the United States goes to War with countries is to help American kids learn Geography...before the War, how many of them could tell you where Afghanistan is?

   Hey ladies its Halloween. Feel free to show off your pumpkins!

   When making your point, length times width times height speaks volumes.

   As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point up

   Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

   My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

   Figures, the only time the world beat a path to my door and I am taking a crap in the bathroom..

   A husband is someone who, after taking out the trsh, gives an impression he just cleaned the entire house.

   Literally just spent all night surrounded by the dumbest asses in captivity.....reason number 114 why people should beat their children. If you beat them while they're children, I wouldn't need to beat them as adults......they would learn to fear and resp

   My wife asked me if she could get a boob job today. I told her to take some toilette paper, rub it in between her boobs once or twice a day for a couple months. She asked me why, I said, “It worked on your butt, didn't it?”

   was initially SHOCKED to here the statistic that "they" say 40% of fathers still pay for their daughter's whole wedding..........but then after some pondering I realized it's probably a small price to get additional women out of the house.......

   I've heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon

   For Halloween, I'm going to wear a Pacman suit and chase all the Muslim women in burqas around the town centre.

   is thinking of auditioning for The X-Factor next year. Do I go with the dead relative story, or should I just rock up in a wheelchair?