Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5378 of 6370
WHOOOAAA!!! I smell the strong stench of "MONDAY" brewing!!
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11-28-2010 18:39 by BONNIE
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Sex is like air. It isn't important unless you aren't getting any.
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11-28-2010 18:39
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Hey homeless guy, quick tip: don't panhandle outside the 99 Cent Store, we're not that far from you.
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11-28-2010 18:37
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My anaconda dont want none unless you got buns hun
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11-28-2010 17:57
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whoever dies with the most friends on facebook wins
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11-28-2010 17:50 by smeebert
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Studying for these Harvard finals is pretty rough. I should have gone to Yale.
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11-28-2010 17:36 by eftiki
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I so wish my smoke alarm had a "STFU, I'm cleaning the oven setting".
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11-28-2010 17:12 by Mari
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A women's work is never done.especially is she asksk her husband to do it
Wife asks her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
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11-28-2010 15:14
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♪ ♫ ♬ Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree, you have more balls than me-ee. ♪ ♫ ♬
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11-28-2010 15:05
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Whenever I hand someone my camera to take a picture, they act like I'm asking them to pilot an alien spaceship. JUST PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON!
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11-28-2010 15:04
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I think I'm just gonna start hittin' on Facebook friends that I can't remember why were friends. This way I dont have to defriend them.
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11-28-2010 15:03
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Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, just in case.
The quickest way to get someone's attention is to no longer want it.
girlfriends don't cry.... thats just blackmail
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11-28-2010 14:13
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Even after creeping through all of your profile pictures, I still have no idea who you are or what you look like since there are 20 people in each of your photos.
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11-28-2010 13:35
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just made cranberry sauce vodka shots
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11-28-2010 13:28 by levon
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Between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, there is Sit on My Ass and Watch Football Sunday!
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11-28-2010 13:03
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Facebook is like jail you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
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11-28-2010 12:50
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I know a girl that's had so many guys that CSI refer to her as "DNA storage unit"...
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11-28-2010 12:42
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