Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5333 of 6370
once had a Hangover so bad I had to put sneakers on the cat
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12-15-2010 07:05 by Banjaxed
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now friends with Jose Cuervo
This is my cup of care \_/ oh look, IT'S F**KING EMPTY.
If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?
- I took my ex out last night. It only took one punch :)
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12-15-2010 04:58 by trickz100
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The guy to convince the first blind man he needed Sunglasses must have been one hell of a salesman.
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12-15-2010 04:57
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I work as a waiter and love it when people ask "How do you prepare the chicken?"I always reply "We tell it straight, you gonna die
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12-15-2010 04:48
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Larry King is getting his 8th divorce; Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time; Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage; Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING; yet the idea of same-sex marriage is going to destroy the insti
Dear Status, I'm not sure if I should keep (up)dating you any more. You've changed, and I'm not sure if I'll like it.
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12-15-2010 01:29
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me ;-)
Destiny may decide who touches your Life ~ Your heart may decide who touches your Soul ~ But...Tequila decides who touches your body
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12-14-2010 22:46
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I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can't get off the couch or I'll die
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12-14-2010 22:43
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it's a status....not your diary...
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12-14-2010 22:40
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Sweet and sour chicken; how can it be both? Come on...let's get real, China.
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12-14-2010 22:36
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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
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12-14-2010 22:35
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Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there's anything good, but nothing ever changes.
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12-14-2010 22:34
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(comment is abusive and offensive and has been removed by Facebook)
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12-14-2010 22:14
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Watching the Biggest Loser Finale. Hate it when they jump up and down after the results. Holy chicken wings...yuck!
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12-14-2010 22:09
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Note to self condoms are NOT Machine Washable
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12-14-2010 21:57
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Bacon is bacon; eggs is eggs; dont let them boys between your legs; they'll say your cute; they'll say your fine; 9 months later they'll say it ain't mine