Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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not sure what is going on today but I think I released enough "natural gas" to supply my furnace for the winter... 
Santa I'm sorry I was so naughty! Last year I was so good you brought me a Grill! This year I just needed the coal!
due to the economic crisis the rapper formerly known as 50Cent has now become a paperclip called 20Cents
When it gets dark early, the universe dares the drunk within me to get started.
You aren't crazy, you're just lonely, and loneliness is one hell of a drug.
Someone crafted this little gingerbread man out of cookie dough and lovingly baked it. Now I have to explain to him about death.
If there was a game show based off of Mario Party, I would definitely want to be on it,
You can't be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn't work that way. You're already hard to want..." -Peter Griffin
Sex with me is like Sex with an optometrist: better like this, or better like this, How about this, or like this. Better here or here.
Ya know you had a good night when you wake up next day having used the coffee table as Duvet !!
Now Wit #MW3 bein released 2day.there will B an increase of snack n Drink consumption, Lack of Sleep n Angry Wives/GF's All Around The World
Every time I type "not" it auto-corrects to "Nottingham." I think I accidentally stole Robin Hood's iPad.
With all these gold diggers coming forward, Herman Cain's got a long road to "HOE".
Did you hear that Apple is developing a new Alternative Gas Source that everyone can help contribute to? They are going to call it the iFart.
It is what It is, I am who I am,believe it or not... I don't give a damn!
When watching the DIY network your remote should automatically not allow you to change the channel or volume. So now you have to get up and......
45 days and counting until I start a new count down
i have all the right answers ...you just ask the wrong questions
I woke up humping the wall of my pillow fort, in case you were wondering how my s@x life is going.
HA! heard on the radio today talking about names of movies that sound like you're taking a crap......crouching tiger,hidden dragon.....any which way you can.....just to name a few of the many... 