Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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My Imaginary friend asked he could bring his Imaginary friend round, but I thought 3 was a crowd so I said no! 
The definiton of success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: So to be successful, set low standards, to be a failure and frustrated, set very high standards.
Every day I change my birthday on Facebook to THAT day just for all the attention.
We were so enamored that we forgot to check his qualifications
Uncle sam & all his relatives gotta take a piece of my paycheck. Half of these people I don't even know what they do...like who the hell is FICA???
since I am unemployed I tell everyone "this is my Friday" all day everyday so at least I get some cheap thrill out of dying alone
Sex is one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation, the other 8 are unimportant.
Third parties always complicate a relationship that's meant for two.
FYI Nic Cage, If you keep telling police to arrest you, eventually they will do it....Hope the judge throws a book at him, you know one that has good scripts & acting tips in it!
Look ahead, not behind and we will find piece of mind. I know you'll find a place to dry my little social butterfly!
If you google “MySpace” your computer will ask “Are you serious right now?”
Bush paid 3.5 million to piss on his face
I commit crimes to keep the cops earning a living...
you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again? well,the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.....
Dear birds who so graciously woke me before my alarm clock did.... F-CK YOU!!
I don't know cupid but I met his evil step brother stupid who uses alcohol instead of arrows and causes one night stands..RJ
It's ironic that there's only one I in Forest Whitaker.
movie coming out in 2012: "I still kinda remember what you did that summer"
I don't just think of them as my children, but also, God forbid, as a human shield.
know pizza, know peace. no pizza, no peace 