Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
I tYp3 LyK tHi5 cuz i'm cool, No..you type like that because you failed English Now go to preschool and ‘Type like this.'
Another tragic reported, almost a 100 ducks fell in Glendale Az lastnight, sunday about the same amount of eagles fell in Philly, I wanna know whats going on with all these birds!!! Whats next? Falcons? Ravens? Its all crazy to me!
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01-11-2011 09:34 by Rod
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Lost 9lbs in one day using a new diet, where I ran to the bathroom every 5 minutes for 24 hours. The stomach virus DVD workout will soon be out!
The devil is not in Georgia today unless he teamed up with the Iceman.
If women just did the same things they did while auditioning for the ring after they got the ring there would be less divorce
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01-11-2011 07:11
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All I want in this world is some one I can turn to and yell, "Avenge Me!!" if I'm dying or wrongly accused of a crime. Oh and rocket shoes
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01-11-2011 04:23
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The only difference between the lead singer of Hanson and Justin Bieber is that we know Bieber is a girl!
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01-11-2011 02:25
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if I wanted patience I would have been a doctor!
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01-11-2011 02:03 by smeebert
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playing loud music to keep from hearing her own thoughts
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01-11-2011 02:00
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wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can't they invent a self cleaning house?
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01-11-2011 01:58
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caffeinating.
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01-11-2011 01:53
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now on two diets...because she was still hungry after just one
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01-11-2011 01:46
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planning a night she can't remember!
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01-11-2011 01:44
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•giving "the silent treatment" only matters to those who want to hear what you have to say.
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01-11-2011 01:41
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•When she came home I had laid a trail of roses to the bedroom...I had candles lit everywhere, jazz playing in the background and wine chilling with me waiting for her in my robe...now the next thing I need to do is introduce myself......
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01-11-2011 01:39
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trying to decide if she has an attitude problem today, or not.
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01-11-2011 01:37
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says "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!"
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01-11-2011 01:01
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so broke that she's going to KFC to lick other peoples fingers.
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01-11-2011 00:48
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Alabama maybe 49th in unenployment and 4th in crime but we are #1 in college football. Go SEC.
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01-11-2011 00:27
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