Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Attention kids in high school: If you're b@#$%ing that Facebook is "becoming myspace".... it's because of you.... please stop b@#$%ing and use facebook for what it was made for... to lurk on other peoples photos
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01-25-2011 00:03 by Rachael
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I hate when people talk on there phones in public restrooms. Who are you?? Ricky Martin?!?! You ain't that damn important
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01-24-2011 23:59 by Rachael
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If I had to choose one person that I really look up to.... It would be myself, for having the strength to get up everyday and overcome myself.... I'm the most self-destructive person alive
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01-24-2011 23:56 by Rachael
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Would just love to punch someone in the Kidneys but apparently society frowns upon that
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01-24-2011 23:55 by Rachael
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after being put up for adoption at birth, I am looking forward to finally meeting my half sisters Patricia, and Oprah.
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01-24-2011 23:53 by MLB
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I'm sure the same people questioning Cutler's toughness are probably also wondering why Congresswoman Giffords isn't back 2 work yet!
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01-24-2011 23:50 by migas
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I agree that some people might have been dropped on their head as a baby....but some people were clearly thrown against a wall
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01-24-2011 23:45 by scottyp
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When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry.
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01-24-2011 23:13 by Aaron
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Obesity doesn't run in your family - NO ONE runs in your family!!!
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01-24-2011 23:04 by DAYAM
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I may wear my heart on my sleeve but I'm changing that shirt soon.
going to get some of that Saturday night beaver.
wonders if "Being Comfortable with your Sexuality" was one of the requirements when they were looking for guys to be in the Shake Weight commercial.
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01-24-2011 21:46
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finally finished ALL of my laundry. Now, I just have to sweep it's ashes out of the fireplace.
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01-24-2011 21:21 by Hot Tea
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needs to have a fixed income... mine is broken.
Time flies when you're having beer.
doesn't accept blame well... but it's not my fault.
RIP Jack LaLanne: Will he be buried, cremated or juiced?
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01-24-2011 20:43
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Excuse me, how much does a polar bear weigh? ......Just enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Steve.
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01-24-2011 19:52
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people may not think I'm a big deal here, but in Munchkinland everybody looks up to me and I'm a huge success.
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01-24-2011 19:30
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^ Fah-Q! v Fah-Q! and > Fah-Q! Whose next?
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01-24-2011 19:25
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