Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5223 of 6370
She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
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01-27-2011 23:50
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It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
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01-27-2011 23:49
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I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
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01-27-2011 23:48
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My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
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01-27-2011 23:47
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"Dad, what does 'gay' mean?" "It means 'to be happy'." "Are you gay?" "No, son. I'm married."
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01-27-2011 23:26
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Lifting the toilet seat AND putting it back down are 2 steps. If women really want equality, they're going to have to take on a step here.
Sitting here with Google open, and now I can't remember what I didn't know.
I stopped listening when you said "No."
If you can read, then this status doesn't apply to you.
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01-27-2011 22:56 by Pw33zY
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Men are the best cooks. Because with two eggs, one sausage and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.
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01-27-2011 22:52 by BEGO
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I live every day like it's my first. There's a lot of crying and sleeping involved.
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01-27-2011 22:31 by Aaron
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I didn't mean to get drunk, it just seems to happen when I drink.
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01-27-2011 22:06
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and with a flick of my lighter, the dishes are done.
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01-27-2011 21:51
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~ Proud to be the winner of the sperm race ~
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01-27-2011 21:47 by predasa
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I think American Idol could make it a little more interesting by adding a trap door.
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01-27-2011 21:23 by Scott
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in the future wedding vows will include "Do you take this person as your married to status link on Facebook?"
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01-27-2011 21:14
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storming the Castle Anthrax all alone and doesn't want any back up!
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01-27-2011 21:06
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watched numerous horror movies without so much as a flinch, but I just crapped a brick when the toast popped up out of the toaster.
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01-27-2011 21:00 by Hot Tea
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If its any consolation, I didn't get lucky last night either.
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01-27-2011 20:52
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wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.