Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cincinnati Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco to change last name back to Johnson. This must be one of the big changes promised by the team......WTF!!

   if you dont think everyday is a good day, just try missing one!

   If the outside is so great, why has man spent hundreds of years perfecting inside.

   ID television for insomniacs who dont like info-mercials

   In need of a b-pong partner... If you're not super cute, then you better be the nuts at pong.

   I'll stop at nothing for a moving violation.

   I just saved a ton of jail time by switching to Chris Brown!

   Something is definitely up at this police station, the cops are f$cking everywhere.

   It's so sad how some people only see the world as something to put on a resume or college application.

   Only had about 4 hours of sleep last night, that should be good right? It is not like I am going to fall asleep on my keyboar

   Carlos Santana just announced his song "You've got to change your evil ways" is blaring at Gadaffi's grave.

   I was gonna get something done... Then I logged in

   I would take Eddie Money's second ticket to paradise, then hope we're not seated together.

   I'm hungry, but there's a repair guy here and I don't feel comfortable eating. Suffering is funny until it happens to you.

   As a driver, I hate pedestrians... as a pedestrian, I hate cars... WTF I'm walking here!

   If my life ever flashes before my eyes, it will just be me sitting around crying.

   If I have ever hurt you, angered you or offended you in any way... then Mission Fuccomplished, ain't it?

   Google's self-driving car... 200,000 test miles, countless hours and dollars spent, and where is the first place the blind man drives himself.... Taco Bell!

   Team Edward, Team Jacob, & Team Hey Kid Read Some Anne Rice Already.

   Its a damn pity that when someone says, "Imma get mine," usually they're not talking about a diploma.