Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Uh Oh...just what we need, a Pope with a Foot Fetish

   "Well that's the last time I ever take one of those spinning classes... felt like an idiot being the only one twirling around in the middle of the room while everyone else sat & looked at me like I was stupid :~("

   hmmm, I wonder where the girls that ate the poopoo out of the cup are today?

   As if my self esteem couldn't get any lower, when I got in the shower this morning, it laughed at me.

   I am sorry guys my p0sts have sucked so much lately. Lately I've been going on dates and getting laid on a regular basis lately.

   Joyce, the office slut, just sneezed and now we all have to take a mandatory HIV test on Monday :(

   If you are speaking sign language but you have parkinsons, is that considered stuttering?

   Alcohol doesn't solve problems, but neither does milk

   Let’s have a moment of silence for the brave bud that got smoked by that fagatron Bieber.

   All Karaoke bars are shouting out with Glee.

   I would like my tombstone to read: I told you guys I didn't feel good.

   Whenever I see an old couple holding hands, lost in eachother's eyes, I feel good, because I bet I could totally take them both if I had to.

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

   Don't hate me because I´m good, hate me because I know it!!!

   You think when whoever invented the Bong, a black light appeared over their head....

   thinks that iPad is an iPod for fat people.

   got an error on his Windows PC: "Keyboard not found! Press any key to continue"

   Fire them...all of them! It's time to make a change Jerry...

   never realized why no one likes Val Kilmer... But I just realized.... You killed GOOSE... YOU B*STARD!

   Don't follow my footsteps I run into walls!