Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Tic toc tic toc tic toc it will soon be MULLER TIME 
Hey, To all of you folks planning to move to Canada because Trump won the Presidency ..... I hope you're fluent in the metric system and rich enough to pay 2-3 times the price of booze here in the US.
The Only Sabbath that matters is Black !
Just saw a cop pull over a UHaul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Do white supremacists shop on Black Friday?
Patriots are going to the Superbowl....The NFL is going to assign someone to check Tom Brady's balls throughout the game....don't want that on my resume
if H( . ) ( . )ters were to become a door to door service... I hope they have to change their name to Kn( . ) ( . )ckers...
The microwave sent those nudes, not me.
It's offically summer when white girls start counting the days until pumpkin lattes return to Starbucks.
Iceland knocked out Britain out of Euro 2016 soccer. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to England since Brexit last Thursday.
Trump is qualified because he runs successful businesses? Kim Kardashian is a reality star that runs successful businesses also.
IS says is America elects Hillary the will donate $2 million to the Clinton Foundation and have Bill speak at their next function for another million.
Donald Trump met with Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto this week, so Trump can tell him how great the Mexican food is at Trump Tower.
Trump promises all Americans a free bag of Skittles when he's President.
"Siri, what are the side effects of Marijuana?" I mumble into a Hershey's bar
set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
Not sure that "What's gotten into you?" is the best opening line when you run into a friend that you hadn't seen in a while and is pregnant.
Flight attendant: Attention everyone. Kenny G is on board he’s agreed to play … Me: *jumps out of airplane*
My New Years resolution for 2021 is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
Find the man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn't care if it's on your legs. 