Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a d*ck. 
a kid said to me sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I threw a dictionary at him.
- I heard my mates's girlfriend say to him..."You'd be fitter if you exercised you lazy f**k".....I could't help myself interrupting and said to her...."You'd be a lot f**kin fitter if you were your sister"....
Talk about global warming..I just saw a Tiger on the Appalachian trail
All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.
Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.
I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping. I took my girlfriend into 8 different pubs without a drink, and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
News Alert for New Years Eve!! Government warning! According to the Surgeon General. Women should consume alcohol because it impairs their ability to say NO!! So who is up for a drink? I'm pouring!
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America
enjoys when his girlfriend's bikini top accidentally comes off while frolicking in the ocean.
Can we pretend the air-NO
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
If god is a dj, life is a dancefloor, love is a rhythm, you are the music, you get what you are given it's all how you use it and god wants you to shake your ass!
Life Aint Always What It Seems To Be .. you Have Ur Ups N Downs Either Happily Or Sad But At The End Of The Day you Gotta Jus Forget Bout All That N Hope you Wake Up To Live The Next Day
Confucius say: Man who run in front of car get tired, but man who run behind car get exhausted
Based on the way it's being used "LOL" must stand for "OK"
How to win an argument with a woman: 1. Too late, you’re already wrong.
Now the kkk want a parade.
Reagan had ketchup in school lunches declared a vegetable, so maybe Congress can have Trump declared a vegetable.
Fun Fact: Paul Manafort is a direct descendant of Benedict Arnold. 