Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sam Smith's voice should be a scented candle. Just sayin'...

   Dating is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

   You ever wonder why eye glasses don't exist in the future? Star Wars? No glasses. Star Trek? No glasses. Battle Star Galatica? No glasses. No one wears glasses in the future! Something to look forward to.

   Are you a cigarette? Cause you got a hot butt !

   Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

   "Barcelona expected to win. They have had an incredible surprise at the San Siro. Then we understood... they had fear". - Jose Mourinho

   giving a warning to America.... Wayne Rooney.

   "The sweetest age in the world is sixteen, or whatever age your daughter is."

   life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to dance in the rain!

   thinks that the worst part about not being able to log into Facebook is not having a place to complain about not being able to get on Facebook.

   The trick is not how much pain you feel - but how much joy you feel... Any idiot can feel pain... Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses...

   trying to type correctly but lack of sleep and too much wine don't help

   just given murderous primatives the power of fire!

   If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit them in the head with a brick.

   going over his plans for world domination and all those who have crossed him in the past will be unmercifully slaughtered....have a great day!!

   Forget a 5 star chick... I rather have a 6 flag chick... More flags more fun!!!

   Paul the octupus will be a hero if Spain wins the football worldcup!!!

   Don't call my name, Cilantro!

   WOW did you ever really look at the word "manslaughter"? Mans Laughter, that's just sick... LOL

   seriously doubting that the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about