Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They say that this planet is another world's hell. I don't know WTF I did but I'm Sorry!!!

   It's not that I hate mornings. It's just that I'd wish they'd happen without me.

   When Charlie Sheen said he had Tiger blood, he meant that he had been sleeping with hookers and his ex-wife caught him.

   OK...it is very important that when it is time to set your clocks ahead to make sure someone didn't already do it before you got there...it's been a long day already

   Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes... That's the Irish for You!

   In recognition and apprehension for our first day of Spring tomorrow, I say a BIG F.U. to Winter!

   I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.

   When life throws you a curve, downshift and take it vigorously.

   I've had enough with seeing animals today. I hate this place! It smells real bad, and there's too much sh!t everywhere. Damn you walmart

   When you don't know the difference between your/you're and their/there then we/us don't know what the hell YOU'RE saying over THERE.

   If you had to go without sex and wear ugly clothes you'd be nun to happy too.

   When people tell other couples that they aren't in love, makes me laugh. love is a word you define yourself, don't let a dictionary definition express the way you feel - Brandon Markovich

   so apparently Pearl Visions "Share the Pairs" event, isn't what you would think...

   I miss those 16.9 oz glass soda bottles this time of year.

   Watching the Today show. I noticed I could'nt understand what was being said. Thought It was me then I realized... That's how Willard Scott talks now.

   ......and remember kids........never trust an air traffic controller

   It's 4:19pm gotta minute?

   ready to have one too many!

   On any given day 15% of the U.S. population is constipated. Here at work that equals 7.9 people. I bet I know who you are by your facial expressions alone

   I smash mirrors, walk under ladders, spill salt & cross paths with black cats. Be afraid... be very, very afraid, its Friday the 13th!!!