Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've had enough with seeing animals today. I hate this place! It smells real bad, and there's too much sh!t everywhere. Damn you walmart

   When you don't know the difference between your/you're and their/there then we/us don't know what the hell YOU'RE saying over THERE.

   If you had to go without sex and wear ugly clothes you'd be nun to happy too.

   When people tell other couples that they aren't in love, makes me laugh. love is a word you define yourself, don't let a dictionary definition express the way you feel - Brandon Markovich

   so apparently Pearl Visions "Share the Pairs" event, isn't what you would think...

   I miss those 16.9 oz glass soda bottles this time of year.

   Watching the Today show. I noticed I could'nt understand what was being said. Thought It was me then I realized... That's how Willard Scott talks now.

   ......and remember kids........never trust an air traffic controller

   It's 4:19pm gotta minute?

   ready to have one too many!

   On any given day 15% of the U.S. population is constipated. Here at work that equals 7.9 people. I bet I know who you are by your facial expressions alone

   I smash mirrors, walk under ladders, spill salt & cross paths with black cats. Be afraid... be very, very afraid, its Friday the 13th!!!

   I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

   used to be indecive but now she's not so sure

   Today almost had me pinned to the mat, but then I kneed its balls and now I'm pulling its tights up into its buttcrack.

   i kinda think the nintendo character mario was on drugs...he ate mushrooms & thought turtles were attacking & had to save the princess from the biggest baddest turtle of them all...this is why you dont do shrooms kids

   zombie rule #57 - you cannot armbar a zombie.

   Wats the point of having emergency vehicle  turn the lights on n driving below the speed limit on an empty street! 

   Can someone text me a in & out burger?

   The rather uneasy moment when your ex is hotter than before.