Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A life without love is like a year without summer.

   if you type "no comment" in the comment bar that is in fact a comment.

   Freedom of choice....... I am Free and you are not my choice!

   Jack In The Box has unveiled it's new bacon milk shake...mmmm, kinda like adding brown gravy to a hot fudge sundae! :/

   Teacher: so what would you prefer to be, a doctor? A lawyer? A pilot? Student: Asleep!

   I had a pet hamster, my idiot brother put a sweater over it and next thing I know, Bam!!! dammm hamster is making millions and rap videos for KIA in my old hoodie!!! Can you imagine what this dog and cat are thinking.....

   by the way, in the summer, any car with an open window is considered an appropriate recepticle for your dogs bag o poo.

   i alone am responsible for global warming...i bought a snow mobile this summer, it will never snow again

   old age homes are gonna be filled with saggy tramp stamps at diaper changin time....mmm sexxxy

   It sucks at first when squirrels get into your house but then it turns out they're pretty fun to watch TV with.

   Woke up this morning with green grass growing out of my head...Thanks Chi-Chi-Chi-Chia Omega 3

   If a clown offers you a hamburger, and it's not Ronald McDonald, should you accept it?

   what's black and white and red all over? A newspaper for people who can't spell well!

   Why can't Danzig have a normal lunch box like every other kid?

   schools require children undress in front of people,..i'm thinking thats pretty much a registered sex offender definition

   Snooki pregnant! I bet the pro choice movement is having their best week ever!

   Funny...the post below this one..is a lift of the post five below that. I give up.

   Pit Bull is so cool he probably scores with the ladies at least twice a month...

   They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

   Proud to say I've slowed my drinking down to only 7 nights a week.