Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Im the kinda human wreckage that you love
←Rate | 05-15-2010 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering why he/she is talking in 3rd person, hmmm he/she is still thinking
←Rate | 06-18-2010 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon looking for a large, orange orb that gives off light, warmth and occasional melanoma. Last seen 7 days ago. Goes by the nickname "sunny." Call 1-800-FREEZING if found.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon dropped my car off for an ice cream paint job, but they messed up and got it CLEAN on the inside and CREAM on the outside. Idiots.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if ghosts only speak/understand english?
←Rate | 10-27-2010 15:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I made a promise to myself years ago. that as I begin to age considerably...I will keep with me some semblance of fashion. Never when wearing shorts, will I sport black socks and dress shoes..I will try to keep my trousers up to a reasonable height...wh
←Rate | 11-04-2010 21:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendly Reminder to all: Is "Poke" a Blonde Week! poke ur favorite blonde, or all!
←Rate | 11-15-2010 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon attempting to work the word "Flagrant" in to my conversations this afternoon as I just like saying it!
←Rate | 12-03-2010 09:51 by Maureen Comments (0)  


   messageicon would be a hoarder but I cant find my wallet
←Rate | 12-03-2010 20:38 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon When Bella's Aunt Flo comes to visit, does she have to double up on her feminine protection to keep Eddie from biting her?
←Rate | 07-01-2010 21:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
←Rate | 07-02-2010 10:44 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wondering what chickens think frogs taste like.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do not have attention deficit disorder. I have what you're saying is boring the sh*t out of me disorder.
←Rate | 07-14-2010 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A developer tears down trees and builds houses in the woods. An environmentalist already has a house in the woods.
←Rate | 08-17-2010 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders how a fine is justified as a predetermined tax for doing something wrong, and yet taxation is accepted as a fine for doing well?
←Rate | 01-10-2011 02:16 by Charles323 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield. Today I feel like the windshield washer fluid and heavy duty windshield wipers cleaning up the mess left in my view.
←Rate | 01-20-2011 08:36 by acreak Comments (0)  


   messageicon The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 13:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.
←Rate | 04-26-2012 17:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take your pleasure seriously.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 14:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A great relationship is when you notice your girlfriend has just out-farted your record setting giant fart from 2yrs ago and all you think is ‘Oh my god she did it!!”
←Rate | 05-13-2012 02:03 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  




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