Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5069 of 6447

Im the kinda human wreckage that you love
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05-15-2010 09:24
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wondering why he/she is talking in 3rd person, hmmm he/she is still thinking
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06-18-2010 01:24
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looking for a large, orange orb that gives off light, warmth and occasional melanoma. Last seen 7 days ago. Goes by the nickname "sunny." Call 1-800-FREEZING if found.
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10-24-2010 13:48
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dropped my car off for an ice cream paint job, but they messed up and got it CLEAN on the inside and CREAM on the outside. Idiots.
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10-24-2010 14:58
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wondering if ghosts only speak/understand english?
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10-27-2010 15:43
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I made a promise to myself years ago. that as I begin to age considerably...I will keep with me some semblance of fashion. Never when wearing shorts, will I sport black socks and dress shoes..I will try to keep my trousers up to a reasonable height...wh
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11-04-2010 21:21
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Friendly Reminder to all: Is "Poke" a Blonde Week! poke ur favorite blonde, or all!
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11-15-2010 15:41
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attempting to work the word "Flagrant" in to my conversations this afternoon as I just like saying it!
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12-03-2010 09:51 by Maureen
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would be a hoarder but I cant find my wallet
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12-03-2010 20:38 by L
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When Bella's Aunt Flo comes to visit, does she have to double up on her feminine protection to keep Eddie from biting her?
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07-01-2010 21:38
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Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
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07-02-2010 10:44 by @seddy90
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Wondering what chickens think frogs taste like.
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07-13-2010 18:06
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I do not have attention deficit disorder. I have what you're saying is boring the sh*t out of me disorder.
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07-14-2010 10:38
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A developer tears down trees and builds houses in the woods. An environmentalist already has a house in the woods.
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08-17-2010 12:28
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wonders how a fine is justified as a predetermined tax for doing something wrong, and yet taxation is accepted as a fine for doing well?

Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield. Today I feel like the windshield washer fluid and heavy duty windshield wipers cleaning up the mess left in my view.
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01-20-2011 08:36 by acreak
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The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
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04-23-2012 13:20
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Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.
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04-26-2012 17:26
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Take your pleasure seriously.
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04-30-2012 14:28
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A great relationship is when you notice your girlfriend has just out-farted your record setting giant fart from 2yrs ago and all you think is ‘Oh my god she did it!!”