Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For this, is a special time when family And friends get together,for fun. Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days, In this festive season of diwali and always!!!!!!!!

   Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake ... will someone please delete my internet browser history."

   You're going to listen to what I play and fuggin like it........ Signed Pandora

   has found an artificial leg on a bus and is going to give it to his wife as a Xmas present. It should make the ideal stocking filler!

   hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words

   Anyone want to chip in and make a counteroffer to buy back Joe Lieberman?

   Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer.

   loves you as much as a fat kid loves cake.

   The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

   Watching Teen Cribs with Miley Cyrus and Doing Lines with Paris Hilton

   There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count. And those who can't.

   had a scab on his knee that fell off today. He is a sore loser.

   Complain: To explain your pain for no gain.

   If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

   it just me or does anyone else die a little bit inside when they lose an fb friend? *tear!*

   would shove an eggbeater up Gordon Ramsey's creepy, arrogant arse if he he ever talked to me they he does to the restauranteurs on his show.

   He knows when you are sleeping...he knows when you're awake....oh my God I'm scared!!!

   Florida school board shooter's wife says husband 'misunderstood'. Yeah, he misunderstood how to aim.

   Thank you lady from the "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!" commercials. Thank you for making me laugh with your comedic genius!

   how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets