Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5050 of 6370
In recognition and apprehension for our first day of Spring tomorrow, I say a BIG F.U. to Winter!
Did the Colonel really call President Obama his son?? Why am I not surprised.........
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03-19-2011 06:45 by Bill
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I would've hated to have been the guy that had to change the light bulbs on The Green Mile......."Really?? Again??"
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03-19-2011 00:11
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I named my iPod 'Titanic' so when I enter it in iTunes it says 'Syncing Titanic' and I feel like a H E R O when I press 'Cancel'
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03-18-2011 23:48 by Sal
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Why don't women take off their shirts before a fight like guys do?
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03-18-2011 22:18
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"Why is it that if a girl has sex with more than one guy she's a slut but if a guy has sex with more than one girl he's a legend?" The guy replies "If a lock can be opened by more than one key it's useless but if a key can open many locks its a master key
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right
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03-18-2011 20:13
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imagine if you got all the way home from the grocery store and realized you left sumpthing in the cart? then you gotta go ALL the way back to get yur kid? ugg that really bite
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03-18-2011 19:23
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Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got
If youre cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
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03-18-2011 17:06
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Obama Nation sounds like Abomination coincidence hmmmmm……
I found out I have CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be
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03-18-2011 13:36 by SEAN
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People please!! It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new, glowing, ticking kind of world..
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03-18-2011 13:30 by timboss
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Saint Patrick was born in Britain under Roman rule. He was captured by Irish pirates and forced to be a slave.
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03-18-2011 13:13
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Your Fat! and I'm not gonna sugar coat it cause you will eat that too!!!
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03-18-2011 12:55
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Why are there laws against texting while driving and drinking while driving... but not texting while drinking?
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03-18-2011 12:50
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my oven doesn't need a self-cleaning mode; my *bathroom* needs a self-cleaning mode.
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03-18-2011 11:00 by CS
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I'm pretending to be hungover today, so nobody at work gets the wrong impression of me...the last thing I want to be labled is a responsible adult...
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03-18-2011 10:06 by M.A.C.
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happy green vomit day!
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03-18-2011 09:40 by levon
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