Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5023 of 6370
I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at statuses all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway.
Who would in a fight between Walker, Texas Ranger and Lone Wolf McQuade?
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02-27-2011 13:03
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I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
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07-15-2011 10:49
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What all do I want on my 5 dollar footlong you ask? Let's just say I want you to have to sit on it like a suitcase to get it to closed when you're done.
they need full length mirrors at the self-checkout line in the grocery store
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07-21-2011 10:15 by levon
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I'm not overconfident. My low self-esteem is at an all-time high!
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08-01-2011 09:51
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I would love to become Facebook friends with a hooker because I bet the status updates would be very interesting if they were honest, like, "Lindsey just made $300 in 15 minutes."
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03-07-2011 18:02 by Joshman
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wondering if whales believe in karma
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03-12-2011 22:16
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I feel like a ninja when I wish people happy birthday on Facebook at 12:01am
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04-07-2011 01:11 by ptv
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Camping? You want me to go camping? Listen...My idea of "roughing it" is a night at Motel 6 with no cable. ng it
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08-06-2011 16:35 by Mick F
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went from being "in a relationship" to "single." Ahhh I'm FREEE! Time for beer, sports, and p0rn
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08-17-2011 16:05
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in support of our brothers and sisters who just experienced the earthquake on the east coast, I think all west coasters should have the rest of the day off!!!
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08-23-2011 14:55 by KG
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Making someone shudder means you're either doing something very wrong or very right.
My version of the hokey pokey doesn't include a lot of hokey.
can't understand why we call asteroids such a name when they are in the hemisphere, and hemroids so when they're on the ass!
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06-07-2011 14:27
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im not weired... you just dont know me well enough
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06-13-2011 00:09 by predasa
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Boy are there ever a lot of garages for sale in my neighbour hood..
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06-14-2011 13:40
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Someone broke into my house the other day while I was at work. I think they got kind of plssed when they didn't find anything worth stealing because they left my place an awful mess.
Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.
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04-17-2011 11:32
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
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04-25-2011 07:42 by Griff
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