Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So today Gays and Lesbians are going to chick-fil-a to kiss in protest of the company. I'm hoping to go to see Some hot lesbian action, but it will probably be a bunch of dudes sucking face. #DecsionsDecesions

   Phrases i'll never understand... #72 - "Those two are in cahoots." WTH is cahoots and why does it take two???

   In case you guys are wondering how screwed up my brain is... I saw a little girl at the store throwing her teddy bear up in the air saying, "he likes to get high" and all I could think was "don't we all sweetie."

   Me: Can you believe that after all that crap they're still together!?! Friend: Who ? Me: My buttcheeks

   Physician: One who can form complete sentences.

   Damn. RIP Tony Soprano. *shuts screen off*

   Gentlemen playing leapfrog are kindly requested to complete their leaps. - sign in a g@y nudi$t colony.

   Ladies, if you're gonna catfish a dude, at least give him some head.

   Casey Kasem found safe today in Washington state. Overheard nearby: "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you darn kids."

   If you don't like Star Wars puns, you R2 boring for me.

   It was a Hoax, Now ugly, homely, disfigured people may return to eatting at KFC !!!

   'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until' you eat the last star crunch and pee on the toilet seat

   my anaconda dont want none unless you got funds hun

   Damn, two gorillas in one week...

   hates it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. For the fifth time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party, FREAK!...My dog is getting married

   It's exactly like the elders described. "When the moon succumbs to the dragon..." something something what's on TV

   My mom said were going on vacation somewhere in South Africa, she called it "Kanye West"

   Women who carry a little extra weight live long than the men who mention it

   Johnny Football requests as much publicity as possible during his rehab.

   I bought an at home do it yourself a$$hole bleeching kit today...it said it contained enough solution to completely bleech one a$$hole...i thought I did it wrong,i was a little upset but i'm all white now