Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Statistics show that plus size women are worth $10 billion to the fashion industry...ha ha that's nothing compared to what they're worth to the food industry!

   ...yikes! saw a bunch of vegetarian zombies at the store today. all they could say was "GRRRAAAIIIIIINNNSSS"

   Shot my first Turkey today! Scared the sh*t out of everyone in the frozen food section.....It was awesome

   RIP Andrew Breitbart..... Ccaine overdose or heart attack hours before releasing Obama college partying video tapes.....yea right! BS

   On Fathers day, we thank our dads for our moms. On Mothers day, we thank our mama for not swallowing us.

   Everyone wants to be Black but no one wants Black problems.

   What are those small bumps around a woman's nipples? They are Braille for "s*ck here."

   Physician -One upon whom we set our hopes when I'll and our dogs when well.

   Hey, you don't have to file your tax returns if you think the President's an a$$hole, right? Asking for a friend.

   out joyriding in your car.

   A teacher asks ”wot part of the body goes to heaven first?”A child replies”feet- coz every nite I c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

   two fish, named one, one and the other two.. so if one dies I will still have two. =)

   Who are you to doubt God? And Santa Claus? And the Easter Bunny? And...

   I don't mean to sound raci$t but two men should never get married!

   Facebook stopped working so some of y’all can get on Indeed.

   We need a "stable genius" that understands you can call news and people fake but you can't call a virus fake. This fake virus has wiped out more than 50% of the three years of market gains in two weeks. Who you gonna call? Obama busters....

   Spell "IHOP" and say "ness" at the end

   Maybe this 30 days of 100° weather is the change Obama was talking about.

   The economy must be bad. I just saw Micheal J Fox working at Home Depot. He was in the paint department.

   "Egypt.......please don't destroy the pryamids. We won't rebuild them." -- The Jews