Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5011 of 6370
Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube.
I believe that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free
The word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him.
That awkward moment when you chilling in a park and Bruno Mars walks by dragging the piano ;)
I fight evil wherever it may be….except in dark, scary places.
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04-04-2011 18:46 by Danny
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Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.
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04-04-2011 18:45 by Danny
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Cops never say "thanks for speeding and keeping us employed". It's just plain selfish.
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04-04-2011 18:36 by ANGE
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This just in Mr.Cee & Bishop Eddie long got the leading roles in "Brokeback Mountain 2" it's directed by TAKE IT TO THE FACE !!! productions.
I neverr get jealous when I see my ex with someone else because my parents taught me to give my toys to the less fortunate
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04-04-2011 18:02 by KFox
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People think that I'm too patronising (to put in terms that you'd understand, that means I treat them like they're stupid).
husband for sale...comes with xbox controller
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04-04-2011 16:44
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if you need a quick ego boost.... watch an episode or 2 of intervention on A&E... I feel great now!
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04-04-2011 16:08 by Zach87
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The controlling force of all the corporate propaganda, religious guilt, and governmental coercion shrinks to insignificance in the face of a single human being with a profound belief in a revolutionary idea.
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04-04-2011 15:42
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"You are the sun and I the moon. I am the sea to your shore. In your arms I've finally found the love I was searching for."
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04-04-2011 15:41
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Get robbed on the street by a stranger, it's called a mugging, get robbed by your government, and it's called "taxes" ;)
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04-04-2011 15:41
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What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
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04-04-2011 15:40
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Time is your most precious gift, you only have a set amount of it. Time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
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04-04-2011 15:39
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Dear Mother Nature, I know you've been on the rag lately, but who lit the fuse on your tampon?!?!
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04-04-2011 14:53 by Wolf
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Whenever I talk to Canadians, I wonder if they can tell I'm thinking, "Damn, those-hockey-loving-white-Mexicans, they got all the good beer.....".
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04-04-2011 14:42
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Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, SHE'S UP"!