Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would love to see things your way, but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my butt.

   The other day Pope Benedict named five new saints to the Catholic Church. Some, however, are questioning whether Obama deserved it.

   Does anyone else think that all illegal immigrants should be given a Toyota to drive back across the border?? ;)

   making a sex tape and shooting up heroin with Miley Cyrus

   Oh, so you're religious? *backs away slowly*

   rick Perry...texas has a Republicam Governor running for president that seems like an idiot...this sounds familiar lol

   Q: What do you call a Packers fan holding a bottle of champagne after the Super Bowl? A: Waiter.

   man sent to hospital after finding 6 plastic horses up his arse.....his condition is stable

   How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints

   Our Father who art in Chicago. Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Cup will be won, on the ice as well as in the stands.

   Obama is proposing a dress code for America so no one offends each other

   When I get an unlike under my stuff, I assume people’d had laughed so hard that had pressed the unlike button accidentally.

   You British Fu*k no one cares about soccer

   So boxing was Zimmerman's hobby? Yet he let some teenager who was 15 or whatever years younger than him maul him to the point where he screamed like a little girl and had to shoot him? Ok.

   happy 4/20 ......smoke it if you got it

   Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

   Casey Anthony must be a slut, it took 12 people to get her off..

   It was so hot today I had to stick my head in the oven just to cool off...

   Found my halloween costume and I'm  trying it out by walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper 

   menstruation.menopause.mental breakdowns...ever notice how all womens problems begin with men?