Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   happy 4/20 ......smoke it if you got it

   You British Fu*k no one cares about soccer

   So boxing was Zimmerman's hobby? Yet he let some teenager who was 15 or whatever years younger than him maul him to the point where he screamed like a little girl and had to shoot him? Ok.

   Our Father who art in Chicago. Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Cup will be won, on the ice as well as in the stands.

   DONALD TRUMP proving that you don't need to be poor to be white trash.

   getting Jiggy with it!

   If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!

   A vampire goes into a bar and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".

   Women are like alarm clocks. They won't shut up until you hit them.

   Corvette....Helping men compensate for small wieners since 1953.

   I would worship God, even if there's no Heaven.

   Iphones, so people know you're a douche bag with out having to say it

   Big girls dont cry (They eat)

   7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful Intelligent Gentle Thoughtful Innocent Trustworthy Sensible. ;)

   The Only Difference Between My Car, And Yours Is Mine Did'nt Come Here On A Boat.

   Beyonce gave birth by a C-section? Guess she didn't want her thing stretched out

   July 4th is the perfect day to get rid of your spouse.....with the fireworks bangs..no one will hear a couple of shots:)

   During fireworks is the best time to shoot someone.

   Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!

   puts the fun in funeral