Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Sometimes I will post on a friend's wall because a really ugly person just did I want my pic to look good next to it in comparison. And if the next person thats posts is ugly....bonus!! 
wondering where the white goes when the snow melts.
just had a bunch of underwear stolen. Cops are making a brief inquiry.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Rihanna can stopp tryin' . . . Seems like Chris Brown slapped the music outta her. . .
Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die
•When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
"you should change your name to LEGO cuz your about to get BLOCKED!!:!"- Magean L. Brents
Jewish fun fact: If you celebrate Passover on top of an overpass, you go back in time
She Bangs, She Bangs...... Turns Out The Whole Time Ricky Martin Meant He Bangs, He Bangs....... Livin La Vida Loca Who Knew lol.
*Doctor enters room*.."I'm going to be blunt with you".. *whips out a huge joint*.."Let's light-up".. Nice.."BTW, you've got epilepsy".. Nice
Men, if you've been called a$$h0le by 3 or more people, you're an a$$h0le.
"In this jungle are the world's deadliest snakes. Let's go see what they're up to." ~ white folks
Imagine the conversations between the fly on the wall and the elephant in the room after everyone leaves.
Eat a handful of coffee grounds before seeing the dental hygienist. They love a challenge.
Mike Pence isn't praying hard enough for us. I'm beginning to think he doesn't care about us at all.
If you don't think this quarantine has changed people, I just want to point out that it turned Jake from State Farm black...
If one of Santa Claus's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
I can't believe no one likes my show idea about a bunch of undead bathroom remodelers called “The Caulking Dead”.
Pollen is just flower jizz. 