Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5 of 6368
The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
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01-06-2023 17:52
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All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
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01-04-2023 02:36
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If it’s out of your hands, then it deserves freedom from your mind too.
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01-07-2023 12:43
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I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
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01-18-2023 01:18
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The biggest story this week, is the suppression of a story about the suppression of a story. That story is also suppressed, we’ll have less on the story later.
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01-07-2023 12:12
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My phone is always in my hand. So, if you think I’m ignoring you, I am.
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01-13-2023 02:48
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Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
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01-19-2023 01:55
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My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
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01-19-2023 01:57
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Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, which is why I’m eating it again at 11:00am.
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01-19-2023 02:15
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I’d like to thank my middle finger, for all those times sticking up for me when I needed it the most.
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06-21-2022 22:45
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Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.
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06-26-2022 00:10
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Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize that they meant autumn, and not the collapse of civilization.
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06-27-2022 03:05
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It’s time for the 99% of us who are not offended by everything to quit catering to the 1% who are.
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06-30-2022 01:00
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The hardest part about driving a Hummer, is trying to find your wiener when you go pee-pee.
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07-01-2022 01:47
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You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
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01-23-2023 03:43
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Glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
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01-23-2023 03:45
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Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
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01-06-2023 01:08
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May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
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01-07-2023 12:28
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Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
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01-07-2023 14:29
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