Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   is doing "The Pee Pee Dance!". Not because I have to go... I just think it's a cool dance...

   wondering why noses run and feet smell

   There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

   you can cross my mind, run thru it, play in it, bouncee across it, dance in it, there is alot of room in there...

   been trying to learn how to do the moonwalk. It isn't going very well, I feel all I'm doing is going backwards.

   I came, I sawed, I yelled "Timber!"

   Out there, happyness waits for everyone. In one direction or another. Some of us are just too ignorant to buy a compass.

   With all the farm building and mafia hits, no wonder you don't have time to find a job.

   I should have taken the red pill. Damn.

   I told you officer, I cut the a** out of the gorilla suit because they don't sell baboon costumes. No, I don't know who crapped on your car.

   hiding from trolls, you never saw me....

   Dont overstay in bed unless you re making money in it

   sitting on the poarch squirting squirrels with a 70 foot squirt gun! Take that you ratts!!!

   Have you ever dreamed you were peeing and thought to yourself in the dream, "Why is this taking so long to stop peeing?" Only to wake up and find your bed sop'n wet?...Me either

   Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.

   to let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse

   So I got out of having to hang with the inlaws by going to work. Good trade I say!

   wonders if anyone has ever fallen asleep at the keyboard and crashed into the monitor....Do they have insurance for that????

   The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?

   Grilled by the media contantly in recent weeks, authorities have stated that they had been following failed "Times Square Bomber" Faisal Shahzad for months, but only on Twitter.