Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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In-laws - Can't stand them, can't kill them, can't get rid of them. . . 
What a beautiful day outside!!! (According to TV.)
When the zombie apocalypse happens, gamers will survive. It will be up to the dorks to reproduce... they will finally get laid!
knows you partied too hard the night before when you're eating cereal naked the next day and your girlfriend says: "Put your clothes on". Just then you realize that was not your girlfriend - it's some woman walking her dog.
As our lady of Disco, the divine Miss Gloria Gaynor has always sung to us: I will survive!!!
The X Factor is on tonight! I can't wait..... To go out to the pub
is officially proclaiming that the bird is no longer the word. The new word is legs, go spread the word.
curious. Who will win, Optimus Prime or Voltes V? ..... Answer: TV remote
war does not determine who's right, only who's left
Sometimes while I drink my morning coffee I stare out the window think to myself "F#&k, thats a lot of snow!!"
thinking of practicing random acts. Curb your excitement and hold your applause, I never said they were going to be "of kindness"...just random.
well I rather tell the truth that draws a tear than a lie that draws a smile
is doing "The Pee Pee Dance!". Not because I have to go... I just think it's a cool dance...
wondering why noses run and feet smell
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
you can cross my mind, run thru it, play in it, bouncee across it, dance in it, there is alot of room in there...
been trying to learn how to do the moonwalk. It isn't going very well, I feel all I'm doing is going backwards.
I came, I sawed, I yelled "Timber!"
Out there, happyness waits for everyone. In one direction or another. Some of us are just too ignorant to buy a compass.
With all the farm building and mafia hits, no wonder you don't have time to find a job. 