Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4986 of 6370
I know a lot of women with A.D.D. (Attention Demanding Disorder)
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04-12-2011 12:22 by G
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I thought about joining the neighborhood watch... But my neighbors just aren't that attractive.
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04-12-2011 12:20 by Gman
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For some reason when I look at you, the alt+f4 button appear... Somehow I wonder
My boss is always saying, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" Tomorrow, I am going to work Naked
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04-12-2011 11:18
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i'm sorry I didn't hear you, I was stretching. I go deaf when I stretch
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04-12-2011 10:43
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Our welcome mat is missing its L. I'd leave it that way but I'm afraid it'll look like we're bragging.
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04-12-2011 09:55 by Gman
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Why am I single? Oh, because I like to have guilt free casual sex with a variety of women.
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04-12-2011 09:51
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I just found a bag filled with cigarette butts, a used pregnancy test, and a bunch of empty PBR cans. I'm calling it "Trailer Mix."
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04-12-2011 09:49 by Gman
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My Dentist says I need to be more aggressive when flossing, so I'm going to start barking.
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04-12-2011 09:45 by Gman
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Monogamy and mahogany are both rare types of long-lasting wood.
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04-12-2011 09:43 by Gman
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Hindsight is $20.20. Don't even ask what she charged to see her boobs.
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04-12-2011 09:41 by Gman
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Whoever invented morning sex forgot about morning breath.
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04-12-2011 09:40 by Gman
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I ran out of toilet paper, so I wiped my ass with a dryer sheet. Now my ass is soft, static free, and outdoor fresh.
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04-12-2011 09:38 by Gman
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Some days I feel like the Allstate mayhem guy is following me.
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04-12-2011 09:16
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I live in South Africa & you do not find elephants on the street
You know you're in South Africa when people talk about robots when they really mean traffic lights.
People you may know = People I'm ignoring & already know
going to spend her cab money on more shots and just get an ambulance home
• Here's to our husbands and boyfriends: May they never meet!
Every time I found something to eat in the refrigerator, I feel like I found a treasure.
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04-12-2011 08:27 by AJ
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