Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.

   to let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse

   So I got out of having to hang with the inlaws by going to work. Good trade I say!

   wonders if anyone has ever fallen asleep at the keyboard and crashed into the monitor....Do they have insurance for that????

   The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?

   Grilled by the media contantly in recent weeks, authorities have stated that they had been following failed "Times Square Bomber" Faisal Shahzad for months, but only on Twitter.

   Has just left his next instalment on his payback trail at the local BP. Thats right BP, you thought you made a mess. Wait till you get a LOAD of me..thats right, UPPER DECKER

   so.. my lawyer says to her lawyer if she thinks she gettin that yacht then she's a little dingy

   well I rather tell the truth that draws a tear than a lie that draws a smile

   is doing "The Pee Pee Dance!". Not because I have to go... I just think it's a cool dance...

   wondering why noses run and feet smell

   There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

   you can cross my mind, run thru it, play in it, bouncee across it, dance in it, there is alot of room in there...

   been trying to learn how to do the moonwalk. It isn't going very well, I feel all I'm doing is going backwards.

   I came, I sawed, I yelled "Timber!"

   IF YOU DONT LIKE MY OPINION OF YOU, YOU CAN ALWAYS IMPROVE

   take your reeboks off you teeth and stop running your mouth

   Has anybody ever enjoyed moving ever? I now hate our mattress.

   loves to be the first person to use a new bar of soap

   it's so hot, my ice coffee is sweating more than I am