Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just entered my kid in a soapbox derby...how in the world is he supposed to fit in this empty zest box?

   my dog's least favorite NBA team is the Thunder.

   I can't even figure out a v@gina how can I be expected to figure out emotions too.

   First Tyler, then Lopez...its going to be American "Idle" !!!

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   There are no rules for Holiday Family Fight Club, just a series of passive-aggressive statements.

   A lot of women are too busy being a good man to attract one.

   I spend so much time with the Internet that it could be considered online dating.

   Mufassa reminded me so much of my dad... and he too saved me from a stampede of wilda beast

   SOPA: Stop Oversighting Public Activity!

   I can't believe they murdered him. He was a president! And they found all the missing gold. Check wikipedia for the full story!

   I only like foods that begin with the word "cheesy".

   what we mean and mean what we say.. Honesty is the only way!

   You may be pushing Christmas a little too much if you take your candle out of your Jack-O-Lantern and stick it in your Window!!...Just Sayin..

   I didn't eat enough to feel guilty but too much to feel virtuous. I did it wrong, didn't I?

   I'm not sure what color you guys should change your avatars to, but Starbucks is out of bran muffins.

   When girls impersonate guys, they make their voice deeper and add a "stupid" tone to it. When guys impersonate girls, we make our voice go an octave higher and add an attitude.

   Just took my Doritos bag out of the trash because I saw one more Dorito in it. I wonder if Bonnie Tyler is still holding out for a hero?

   It's not so much that I'm a KE$HA hater, its more of the fact that I'm a music lover.

   I'm wearing my Sketcher Shape-ups, or as I affectionately call them: Can't-Get-Laid(s).