Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I can't identify an animal I spray it with water because there's always that chance it could be a gremlin

   Great.! finally a online dating site that meets my needs imtobusy.com

   it offensive to bring your own chair to someone's apartment?

   Dog is man's best friend. Cat is an acquaintance.

   At A yardsale today I bought a Large Minnie Mouse,is that Oxymoronic ? or just gay?

   The only honest people in the world are small children and drunk people!

   Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy duct tape to shut people up, so what's the difference?

   It's fend for yourself night and you know what that means...cold cereal for dinner.

   They need to invent a pill that gives me incredible bouts of energy without any of the seizures.

   Getting into an argument with a stupid people is something you will never win at even when you do. Like tic-tac-toe or global thermonuclear war.

   just entered my kid in a soapbox derby...how in the world is he supposed to fit in this empty zest box?

   my dog's least favorite NBA team is the Thunder.

   I can't even figure out a v@gina how can I be expected to figure out emotions too.

   First Tyler, then Lopez...its going to be American "Idle" !!!

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   There are no rules for Holiday Family Fight Club, just a series of passive-aggressive statements.

   A lot of women are too busy being a good man to attract one.

   I spend so much time with the Internet that it could be considered online dating.

   Mufassa reminded me so much of my dad... and he too saved me from a stampede of wilda beast

   SOPA: Stop Oversighting Public Activity!