Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does Octomom still have those 6 kids.

   The IKEA #Covfefe organizer clips onto the lid of the toilet seat and holds a cell phone, diet Pepsi, and a plate of .

   If you looked up the word "modest" in the dictionary, you would see a picture of me.

   A certain duck who does not wear pants was questioned, but was seen signing autographs at the time.

   Hug her from behind but keep an eye out for her husband.

   Its so hot in my apartment,Satan called asking if its for sale!lol

   I just saw a digital radio going for super cheap on EBay because it's stuck on full volume. Can't turn that down!

   During my vacation, I learned alot about my self. The main thing I learned was, not to take another vacation.

   Before you go driving thru flood water, remember water made the Grand Canyon.

   I am curently baking the air in here @400° because I am not turning the heat on yet!

   I hope old Hugh went out with a bang.

   The only reason I picked up that copy of Playboy was to read Hugh Hefner's Obit.....What Pictures???

   I'm "When I get a haircut I think she cuts more hair off my ears and eyebrows than my head" years old.

   That black cat had more yards the. Jason Witten 🤪❤️

   Hand dryers in restrooms are just drying your washed hands with doodoo air...

   I think I could be a pretty good boxer as long as the other guy isn't allowed to hit me.

   If you want to know what cereal you don't have ask one of the kids what they want for breakfast.

   Scarface: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FREN me: hi Danny Devito: well hello there

   Daylight Saving Time arrives tomorrow. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it 8 months.

   I got an air fryer because it's healthier. Of course along with my air fried pork chops I had 5 lbs of mashed potatoes with a stick of butter and a Key Lime Pie for dessert.