Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?

   To make a small fortune in the stock market you need to start with a large fortune

   Now days its Interesting how all Bar Debates end up on Google without a Fight

   why don't they just make service contracts that expire the day before you need them

   History repeats itself oppurtunities dont!

   I would have much more respect for someone if they personally sh!t on my lawn rather than have their dog as an intermediary.

   Freud said "Love & work are the cornerstones of our humaness." I say it's love and that show "Pawn Stars".

   Music caters to every type of moment, mood and moron.

   It's like, okay, we get it, I'm a terrible driver and I almost murdered you with my car. Can I go get ice cream now?

   polar bears are left handed, hi-five them accordingly

   just taken a ride in the WAWA hoagie baloon.

   All is not lost. It's just a little bit hard to keep track of.

   I started to worry about my future, so I bought a ton of stock in my company, now I worry about the work I am putting out :/

   If there is light at the end of the tunnel...order more tunnel.

   It is not sufficient to be a success; it is also necessary for your friends to be failures.

   She said the 'F' word. She called us Friends.

   It's not true love until they offer to get decapitated, cooked and eaten by you.

   I like to restate the obvious, it's important obviously

   It's not pretty being easy.

   If I had a hammer, I'd most likely b!tch about my lack of nails.