Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4947 of 6446

just taken a ride in the WAWA hoagie baloon.
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10-10-2011 22:02
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All is not lost. It's just a little bit hard to keep track of.

I started to worry about my future, so I bought a ton of stock in my company, now I worry about the work I am putting out :/
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04-29-2011 07:58 by SEAN
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If there is light at the end of the tunnel...order more tunnel.
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05-18-2011 07:01
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It is not sufficient to be a success; it is also necessary for your friends to be failures.
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05-18-2011 07:10
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She said the 'F' word. She called us Friends.
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07-27-2012 06:20
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It's not true love until they offer to get decapitated, cooked and eaten by you.
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08-01-2012 05:10
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I like to restate the obvious, it's important obviously

It's not pretty being easy.
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08-02-2012 10:52
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If I had a hammer, I'd most likely b!tch about my lack of nails.
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08-03-2012 07:47
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If sex burns a lot of calories as the experts say, then Rick Ross must be a virgin.
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08-08-2012 15:53
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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08-10-2012 09:58 by Clamwah
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why are they called bag ladies, they always have carts
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08-19-2012 22:28
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Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps Roule! And hopefully, when you wake up you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.

It would be a nice jesture to avoid this sequester.
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03-02-2013 05:03
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You claim to have started from the bottom. But you forget to mention you still down there.
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03-09-2013 09:06
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So they elected an Argentinean Pope... FREE CHURASCCO FOR EVERYONE!!
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03-13-2013 15:30
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I think the phrase "there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide" originated from someone who farted in the shower.
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03-18-2013 20:36
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I hate Mondays. I've destroyed my office with my air guitar twice already today!
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03-25-2013 17:08
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I need Google in my brain and Anti-Virus in my heart.
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09-12-2012 21:39 by BEGO
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