Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Petrichor, n. the smell of rain on dry earth

   I always Google before reading directions to anything !

   Proof that a level weirder than weirdness exists

   Hey Osama, must suck when you wake up in Hell & realize those 70 virgins were not women after all, but 70 male virgins that are sooo ready to tear that ass up in Hell.

   Hey Osama I hope you like guy's because I have 72 for you

   This must be the has been edition of celebrity apprentice.

   Decided to add upsets to my bracket this year. So far, I'm the only one that is upset.

   I prepared my self for this rapture by playing zombies on black ops and my wife said it was a waste of time I guess the jokes on her !

   oh crap..they didn't take me but they took the rum!

   Final Words..."These are the GOOD kind of mushrooms"

   it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?

   To make a small fortune in the stock market you need to start with a large fortune

   Now days its Interesting how all Bar Debates end up on Google without a Fight

   why don't they just make service contracts that expire the day before you need them

   History repeats itself oppurtunities dont!

   I would have much more respect for someone if they personally sh!t on my lawn rather than have their dog as an intermediary.

   Freud said "Love & work are the cornerstones of our humaness." I say it's love and that show "Pawn Stars".

   Music caters to every type of moment, mood and moron.

   It's like, okay, we get it, I'm a terrible driver and I almost murdered you with my car. Can I go get ice cream now?

   polar bears are left handed, hi-five them accordingly