Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4944 of 6371
I'm really hoping a devilishly hansom older version of my self explodes into my room in a ball of smoke and lightning with wads of cash and a 2011-2020 sports almanac
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04-27-2011 01:55 by Shea1985
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We fought wars so we wouldn't care about royal weddings.
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04-27-2011 01:30 by ff1241
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Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google
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04-27-2011 01:14
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If a blonde throws you a grenade…you pull the pin and throw it back!
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04-27-2011 00:55 by Usucknoob
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Procrastinators unite!…Tomorrow..
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04-27-2011 00:54 by Usucknoob
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Who drinks only one beer? Mrs. Bud Light needs a companion in my belly and she likes to speed date.
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04-27-2011 00:53 by Brent
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Wondering - will there EVER be a day when it's raining that my mouth says 'Umbrella'.... and my mind doesn't immediately follow with 'ella ella eh eh eh' ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ Thanks for the mind games, Rihanna!!!
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04-27-2011 00:48 by tdw
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Dear DroidX, I am not trying to spell "Duck"...thank you!
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04-27-2011 00:46
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I bet George Washington never imagined he'd be the number one cause of lapdances.
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04-27-2011 00:42
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Just think how interesting facebook would be if there was a "cheating on spouse with _______" relationship status
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04-27-2011 00:14 by Gil
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Well,today was a total waste of your makeup
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04-26-2011 23:28 by BEGO
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Hey you. Yeah you. No, not you... That other guy. You right there! Yes, you.... Do you like tacos?
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04-26-2011 23:16 by zman87
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I feel duped. I went to a march of dimes event, and I didn't see a single damn dime marching.
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04-26-2011 22:18
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Wow! The kids from Glee are all singing about accepting themselves for who they are, the autotuned cranked up to 10. Think about that. Take as much time as you need....
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04-26-2011 22:03
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With all the accomplishments of science like mapping the gnome, spaceships on planets, etc.. You think someone would be able to devise a toothpaste that didn't make orange juice taste like ass. Just sayin'
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04-26-2011 21:58 by JAC
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I'm a good girl, I am. I just never said what I am good at.
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04-26-2011 21:23
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Women are like cell phones. They love to be held, talked to, and handled with care. But if you hit the wrong button, they'll disconnect you in a heartbeat...
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04-26-2011 21:21
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ready to have one too many!
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04-26-2011 21:21
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I accomplished NOTHING today! And yes, I'm proud of that AND I still have my jammies on :)
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04-26-2011 21:20
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If you think I'm bad just imagine two of me!
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04-26-2011 21:17
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