Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Damn ... guess yet again I bought all of those Jumbo sized condoms for nothing!! Oh well ... Looks like i'm having another big post Valentines day Water Balloon drop off my balcony tomorrow.
←Rate | 02-14-2017 23:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I'll have to spend more time in the s#*tter at work.
←Rate | 02-19-2017 09:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit
←Rate | 03-05-2017 17:30 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ate all my meals today without using a single utensil
←Rate | 03-13-2017 15:26 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be a savvy consumer. Do your research rather than trusting your local circus barker’s claims that no other wonders on earth could compare to the oddities found in his freak show.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 05:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm watching the Puerto Rico Open on TV and I don't a single one of the golfers is Puertorican...
←Rate | 03-25-2017 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twisted Personal Ads: SWM seeking SWF. Age, ethnicity and religion not important. Nymphomaniacal tendencies and chronic laryngitis are a plus. Please reply to Box OU692
←Rate | 03-27-2017 10:46 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mexico has the FBI. The American equivalent of The girl scouts.
←Rate | 03-29-2017 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old when I was a kid my stomach used to growl when I was hungry, now it sought of just grumbles and complains.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 06:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wolverine doesn't apologize nearly enough for a dude from Canada.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My wife asked me for a sonnet. Never knew she liked fancy hats.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Night clubs during the day is now one of my anxiety triggers....
←Rate | 06-16-2016 01:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love when I can see a grown adult be happier than a kid in a candy store and the candy is shaped like toys!!!
←Rate | 06-16-2016 23:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are part of a puzzle in someones life. You may never know where you fit. But, someones life may never be complete without you in it.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only while camping can you pee in the middle of the night while staring into the eyes of a bear.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 05:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're a living oxymoron if you get distracted while driving a Ford Focus.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wouldn't descibe myself as ego-centric. I prefer ego-Kentric.
←Rate | 06-29-2016 15:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nancy Grace is leaving CNN to spend more time exploiting abused minors in the private sector.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 00:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can I get Zika from watching the Rio Olympics on TV?
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I owe my kids $4,983 in back allowances.
←Rate | 07-02-2016 16:07 Comments (0)  




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