Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   trying to get the taste of last night's date's mouth out of his mouth.

   My shadow is my only black friend.

   Medical Tip: If you see a “lost & found” box in the proctologist’s office... keep walking.

   Did Obama take ever take a economics class? Oh I'm sorry his school records are sealed too!

   Going to watch the True Blood finale now. After watching the Tea Party debate, I need to experience something closer to reality

   Best episode of CSI ever, If only I have the power to turn things into reality... Justin Bieber would be dead for good!

   Hallie Berry....call me ;)

   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

   BOB THE BUILDER CAN WE FIX IT! Bob: ummm not right now I'm on facebook

   *takes a long drag from a cigarette *points at your baby What's wrong with your dog?

   You’d think people would be more understanding it’s my first day as a tattoo artist.

   Trump doesn't have time to denounce the #$%$ but does so instantly against a CEO that withdrawals from one of his committees. If you didn't know Trump was a white supremacist before, you do now.

   Trump says there were good people on the white nationalist's side....Okay, that's it, I'm done. I can't live in a country where stupidity rules.....

   I just want to see how many stupid people there are. If you think microwaves are spying on Trump, vote down. If not, vote up.

   Refuse's to watch anything twilight or new moon, for the same reason he does not eat anything soy, He's afraid what too much estrogen might do to his body.

   Two Beer or not Two beer. William ShakesBEER

   Warning: I break for lawn deer

   "Ok Brain: I don't like you and you dont't like me, but this time we have to work toghet....DAMN! He's running awaritnfdnsfoeinlsjerfjsgrjjdfks..."

   He who runs behind truck is exhausted, he who runs in front of truck is tired.

   You cry I cry your happy I am happy you laugh I laugh you jump off a bridge I laugh even harder