Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   that old woman walking around with the trophy is killing me lol wonder if she even knows whats going on, or if she just smiling cause she went number 2...

   I'm sorry if you cant understand, but I need a Radio inside my hand!!!

   I love God. I just don't like the peope who work for him.

   I am going to only talk like a gangster from the 1940s starting right now. See?

   I discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?".

   It's sad to see that two close people don't recognize each other anymore. Not because they grew up but because they grew apart.

   Forgive me father, for I like sin.

   170.6 Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

   Just bought an actual CD, then put on my bonnet and churned the rest of the butter before Pa got back from the silversmith

   If you urinate in a pair of swim goggles and strap them to your face you won't need Instagram anymore....... next question

   FOX News is reporting that Obama is being questioned for killing Jobs

   so much cooler online!

   trying to get the taste of last night's date's mouth out of his mouth.

   My shadow is my only black friend.

   Did Obama take ever take a economics class? Oh I'm sorry his school records are sealed too!

   Going to watch the True Blood finale now. After watching the Tea Party debate, I need to experience something closer to reality

   Best episode of CSI ever, If only I have the power to turn things into reality... Justin Bieber would be dead for good!

   Hallie Berry....call me ;)

   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

   BOB THE BUILDER CAN WE FIX IT! Bob: ummm not right now I'm on facebook