Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The World is a Circus and The Devil is it's Ring Leader.

   Saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him.

   If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, do I still need a logging permit?

   Elvis Presley moved Priscilla to his house when she was 14 years old. Where's the outrage over this?

   Who remembers when we had a census of a coming ice age, so the government & EPA made all vehicles get catalitic converters that made cars get less milage & use more gas, which made more pollution so we had to stop acid rain,&ozone holes. SCIENCE RULES lol

   Crying about the NFL and not focusing on anything else is suppose to make America great again?

   Other than the economy, climate, civil rights, and security, we're going to be fine.

   I'd wait in line to slap you for waiting in line for the new iPhone.

   whats the difference between a SUV and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards...

   How about those White House crashers? The other day they also crashed the Black Caucus, and if you've seen then, you know that's quite a trick.

   ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬

   knows that your girlfriend is not taking piano classes on sundays

   the "Pull my finger" joke stinks.

   Who was the best comedian/stage performer in the Bible? ANS: Samson. He brought the house down.

   Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to Facebook right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further internet absences.Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being.

   GIRLS are so hard to understand.... If you go out with your boyz = ur too much of a player. If you want to be with them a lot = ur too needy .. WTF !

   I've used up all my sick days, so tomorrow I'm calling in dead. lol

   A truck load of tortoises get in a wreck with a boat load of terrapins... it was a turtle disaster!

   one reason they call it PMS is that Mad Cow disease was already taken.

   Thinks The "Ice Road Truckers" should fill their tires with helium so the trucks weigh less.