Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Trump tells GOP lawmakers they need to respect the wishes of the people that got them elected. I think he means the Kremlin.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 01:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump is spending the entire day today fishing. For compliments.
←Rate | 03-24-2017 05:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?An epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits
←Rate | 11-19-2011 09:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon that uncomfortable feeling when your poking session on FB lasted longer than "the real poking'
←Rate | 11-27-2011 21:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went from being “in relationship” to being “single.” Modern Warfare 3 claims its first victim!
←Rate | 12-20-2011 13:46 by ZZZ-FUXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do they advertise that something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
←Rate | 10-22-2011 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are fat and your wearing skinny jeans, it does not make you look skinny.. it makes you look silly!!!
←Rate | 10-24-2011 15:20 by petty 86 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ....... In suppoert of the Ocupy Wall Street movement ... I withdrew 20 bucks from my bank and bought a burger, fries, and went to a movie!! .. Take that you evil corporations!!
←Rate | 11-05-2011 20:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ooook-lahoma, where the Earthquake comes sweepin' down the plain And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet When the Tornado's come right behind the rain.!
←Rate | 11-05-2011 20:33 by mcdyver Comments (0)  


   messageicon Because of Harry Potter a whole generation of boys learned it was good to read. And to master control of one's wand.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 18:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Big girls don't cry. Well, not tears. It's a combination of chocolate, movie popcorn butter, and broken dreams.
←Rate | 01-07-2012 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear grown folks, Stop going broke trying to look rich and act your WAGE:)
←Rate | 01-12-2012 17:39 by D. Wright Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 20:20 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take it Kevin Costner's been fired then...
←Rate | 02-11-2012 20:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear radio stations, You do know there are more than 5 songs in the world, right? Sincerly annoyed listeners.
←Rate | 02-19-2012 15:53 by @DonSicks Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch the Titanic backwards..Its about a magical boat that saves people
←Rate | 02-19-2012 16:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beer is now cheaper than GAS! Drink don't Drive...
←Rate | 02-26-2012 15:41 by zandra Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm having a day sometimes I go to WalMart and just smile and show off my teeth.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The number one thing on my bucket list; not dying!
←Rate | 04-25-2012 08:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon before getting married there are 2 words a man must know that are crucial to his survival....."Yes Dear"........
←Rate | 05-02-2012 17:06 by Corey C Comments (0)  




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