Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kim Jong Un has made millions of Americans look up the word dotard. So far, he's done way more education than Betsy DeVos.

   Covid spelled backwards is divoc... As in where divoc is my beer?

   Farting under the covers is no longer called a dutch oven. It’s now a "covid test". If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.

   Wear a sombrero to the next wedding you’re invited too. Long after they’re divorced they’ll talk about the guy in the sombrero.

   For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"

   Trump tells GOP lawmakers they need to respect the wishes of the people that got them elected. I think he means the Kremlin.

   Trump is spending the entire day today fishing. For compliments.

   When your lawyer's, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know things must be bad.

   Guys, prove you're not a rapist by giving large sums of money to random women!

   The pharmacist asked me my birthday again yesterday. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something.

   I've never been in relationships. I prefer to call them 'momentary lapses in judgement'.

   Rumors: Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

   Does anyone know the rule for when the cripple guy at your company dies who gets his parking spot?

   If Michael Sam beats his wife, will he get fired too. Equal Opportunity my ass.

   Sorry about all the jokes I've made that you didn't like. If it's any consolation,, they were free & someday I'll die......

   I got a lap dance from a midget stripper. I couldn't refuse the deal. It was half off.

   Vegitarian is a native American name for Bad hunter. . .

   My friend has to pay for sex ... he is buy-sexual.

   As is evidenced by the primaries, Americans are either dumb or dumber

   If your friends aren't making fun of you, they aren't really true Trump supporters.