Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Jersey Shore is on tonight? I guess I need to figure out how to get these Valtrex into my DirecTV box then. 
A study reported that iPhone users have more sex. Most likely cause is that there's an app for that.
are the mosquitos bad.....are the mosquitos BAD ?!?... last night I saw two on my patio with Drinks in their hand "huffing" deep woods off .... while one said to the other " dude...you catch a buzz yet"..... yes they're that bad
would like to take all of the warning labels off everything toxic and weed out the stupid people in my life
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look similar to this: 57 Asians; 21 Europeans; 14 from the Western Hemisphere; 8 Africans; 52 would be female;
putting his left foot in and taking his left foot out - but he is NOT doing the hokie pokie, he's killing roaches...
I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own!
waiting for you to log off so they can get back on chat and actually do something!
Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!
just got out of the shower and dried off with a Sham Wow! Now he's slipping into a Snuggie and playing with his Mighty Putty.
slowly undressing behind you!
There are countless ways of attaining greatness, but any road to reaching one's maximum potential must be built on a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence, and a rejection of mediocrity."
The olympics... the only time where you can be a male swimmer and we won't think you're gay.
Considering my balance, my credit card has the best theft detection ever. It just says declined no matter what you try to buy.
Why does Cheaters need a camera crew of 600?
One of my buddies on facebook "liked" the movie 8 seconds. It said on facebook that "Dave likes 8 seconds." I bet his wife doesn't.
destructive forces have hit the Gulf Coast! Oh, and a hurricane sweeped by.
Free slurpee day at 7/11. You're welcome.
At some point we will have to get our clothes on and use our mouths for eating food.
Miley you just broke my heart... my achy breaky heart. 