Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
enjoying deleting friends on Father's Day. I'm pretending I'm disowning my children. 
Susan Boyle sings: "Wild Horses couldn't drag me away."Maybe not, but it looks like they gave it a f**king good go, eh Susan?
How can anyone have 99 problems? I have about 3, maybe 4 max.
You know it's a bad traffic jam when people start are sitting on top of their cars..
Whoever started the tradition to wear bright hideous Hawaiian shirts on "casual fridays" needs to be punch in the throat.
downhill. Because thats how I roll!
"ur cute when ur mad"...... "well immabout to get real adorable"
My friend is having a baby so I went to birthing class with her, and woohoo! I now know how to wrap a doll in a burrito
once I get a grip on reality I plan on choking it to death...
Jersey Shore is on tonight? I guess I need to figure out how to get these Valtrex into my DirecTV box then.
A study reported that iPhone users have more sex. Most likely cause is that there's an app for that.
are the mosquitos bad.....are the mosquitos BAD ?!?... last night I saw two on my patio with Drinks in their hand "huffing" deep woods off .... while one said to the other " dude...you catch a buzz yet"..... yes they're that bad
would like to take all of the warning labels off everything toxic and weed out the stupid people in my life
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look similar to this: 57 Asians; 21 Europeans; 14 from the Western Hemisphere; 8 Africans; 52 would be female;
putting his left foot in and taking his left foot out - but he is NOT doing the hokie pokie, he's killing roaches...
I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own!
waiting for you to log off so they can get back on chat and actually do something!
Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!
just got out of the shower and dried off with a Sham Wow! Now he's slipping into a Snuggie and playing with his Mighty Putty.
slowly undressing behind you! 