Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Liking a celebrity's tweet in the hopes they'll notice you is like voting Republican thinking you'll be a millionaire one day.

   Don't you people see.... these dummy-crats are trying to peece us off. Lets show them we are bigger than that, and they need a job.

   Best catch phrase to make fun of: Fake News.

   ....... Hey Barack and Hillary .... Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!!!!

   Congratulations America! We're one step closer to schmuck.

   Mexico announces it's found 6 new oil deposits in Gulf of Mexico. Trump now wants to add a huge door to his wall.

   I just want a man to rub my butt without trying to shove something in it.

   Canadian sex is like American sex but with more apologizing and less guns.

   Tender Age Shelter sounds like something spray painted onto a van parked outside of a grade school while the owner offers kids free candy.

   To the Pope. Just let priests get married so they won't have to be gay with little boys!

   Person... Woman... Man... Camera... TV....I'm a genius!

   Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you’ll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.

   i feel bad that you have to deal with yourself

   I put my phone on airplane mode, and Siri asked me if I had ever been in a Turkish prison.

   Why is it a serial killer could be chasing a person thru the airport and no one would even bat an eye

   A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

   It's so cold out the Town Flasher was caught describing himself to women.

   HD p0rn so clear, you can see her financial crisis.

   "all dressed up and nowhere to go" atheist tombstone

   All I'm saying, ladies, is if you're looking for a guy how about collecting snacks instead of cats.