Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fun fact: if you leave a bag of lettuce in the fridge long enough, it will turn into brown soup.

   How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

   What is a wedding tragedy?. . . To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!!

   Drama haters are the biggest drama makers !

   NFL= National Flag League

   Would you rather win a hundred billion dollars today and get paralyzed tomorrow or just get life in jail with a man rapist? Up for the money.... Down for jail....

   it costs 50 Cent to buy 2Pac's of Eminems...which is Ludacris!

   its kinda hard for a gay guy to go to prison... what are you gonna scare him with?

   I swear FB. Your making me think my computer is all messed up. lol. How is this better than before? Your gonna make me start my own damn company...

   believes the IOC will support Chile by sending over 10 million "USA Hockey 2010 Olympic Champions" t-shirts that they won't need after todays game!

   insert your current location, relationship problems, results of last doctors visit, what you had for lunch, how much you hate working on certain days of the week, and any other trivial details of your life here _______________________

   U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown!

   Keep NFL Straight Footballl!!!!

   My liver is so black from all this smoking that it talks during the entire movie.

   Aaron Hernandez was seen on the phone begging his attorneys to have his murder case moved to Florida.

   In the mind of my Hound dog: "He's on the floor, trying to get my ball from under the couch... I will assist by licking his eyeball !"

   .Been staring at this cardinal in my tree outside my window... If he don't get down in the next five minutes, I'm calling the f@#king church!

   remembering that day when I caught my GF in bed with my best friend, I walked up to him, grabbed him by the collar and said "bad dog!"

   How does your stomach know to send the burps to the mouth and the farts to your bum?

    Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.