Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   n't it funny that 60 years ago, the British Empire took over half the World and any people who protested were shot immediately...yet, now they can't control a bunch of rioters in their own Country?

   You know your drunk when you get home from the bar, then grab and throw your hamster yelling "go pikachu!"

   a little upset that someone from Jackass went and died off camera.

   I'm glad that McDonalds doesn't sell hotdogs, I could never order a "McWeiner" with a serious face.

   heads or tails? Heads you give me some tail. Tails you give me some head.

   Men are like scratch off tickets..... they usually end up being losers!!

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

   What happened to the good ole days… Like when Britney Spears would shave her head!

   Fun fact: if you leave a bag of lettuce in the fridge long enough, it will turn into brown soup.

   How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

   What is a wedding tragedy?. . . To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!!

   Drama haters are the biggest drama makers !

   insert your current location, relationship problems, results of last doctors visit, what you had for lunch, how much you hate working on certain days of the week, and any other trivial details of your life here _______________________

   U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown!

   its kinda hard for a gay guy to go to prison... what are you gonna scare him with?

   I swear FB. Your making me think my computer is all messed up. lol. How is this better than before? Your gonna make me start my own damn company...

   believes the IOC will support Chile by sending over 10 million "USA Hockey 2010 Olympic Champions" t-shirts that they won't need after todays game!

   NFL= National Flag League

   Would you rather win a hundred billion dollars today and get paralyzed tomorrow or just get life in jail with a man rapist? Up for the money.... Down for jail....

   it costs 50 Cent to buy 2Pac's of Eminems...which is Ludacris!