Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't know about you guys, but I think last nights season premier of Ferguson was pretty good.

   n't it funny that 60 years ago, the British Empire took over half the World and any people who protested were shot immediately...yet, now they can't control a bunch of rioters in their own Country?

   You know your drunk when you get home from the bar, then grab and throw your hamster yelling "go pikachu!"

   a little upset that someone from Jackass went and died off camera.

   I'm glad that McDonalds doesn't sell hotdogs, I could never order a "McWeiner" with a serious face.

   heads or tails? Heads you give me some tail. Tails you give me some head.

   Men are like scratch off tickets..... they usually end up being losers!!

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

   rony: In some places you’ll have to take the vaccine in order to watch the new Matrix movie coming out.

   What happened to the good ole days… Like when Britney Spears would shave her head!

   Fun fact: if you leave a bag of lettuce in the fridge long enough, it will turn into brown soup.

   It's 420. I don't even smoke weed...That's my credit score...

   How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

   What is a wedding tragedy?. . . To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!!

   Drama haters are the biggest drama makers !

   NFL= National Flag League

   Would you rather win a hundred billion dollars today and get paralyzed tomorrow or just get life in jail with a man rapist? Up for the money.... Down for jail....

   it costs 50 Cent to buy 2Pac's of Eminems...which is Ludacris!

   its kinda hard for a gay guy to go to prison... what are you gonna scare him with?

   I swear FB. Your making me think my computer is all messed up. lol. How is this better than before? Your gonna make me start my own damn company...