Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4873 of 6369
It all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day. Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned." We've just been interpreting it wrong all these years.
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11-14-2012 21:44
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SCAM ALERT: If someone emails claiming to be your dad in heaven and needing $700 to pay a "be alive again fee".... t's a scammer not your dad.
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11-29-2012 09:04 by snotty
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Christina what happen baby? It's like those fish nets caught a whale. Christina, when did you go from "genie in a bottle" to "pigs in a blanket"?
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01-09-2013 04:32
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One lesson that religion taught me is that it is important to pretend to be a nice person one day a week.
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03-03-2013 09:03
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..is sleeping naked. I just wish that stewardess would go away. I don't care if there are children on this plane!
wondering why noses run and feet smell?
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11-12-2009 20:45
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I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all out of gum
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11-04-2010 04:30
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Join the fight against high heating cost by supporting your local heating assistance program. Change your profile pic to a pic of your cold nipples and together we can stop the winter cold. The goal is to turn Facebook into all nipples by Dec 21st.
Studies show that if you stare at woman's breasts for longer than 5 minutes...You are very likely to get a black eye.
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04-25-2012 09:35 by SKoop
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I hold my bottle of beer the same way as I hold my wife. By the neck.
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04-29-2012 22:28
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"Congratulations! You have won $250.00 dollars worth of shopping vouchers or a night at an Elvis Presley tribute act. To claim your prize,press 1 for the money, 2 for the show..."
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06-26-2012 17:52
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Today, my president is black. Tomorrow, my president is orange. I guess orange really is the new black
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01-19-2017 16:51
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when my girlfriend says stop when having sex, thats when it's Hammer Time
for some people religions are like farts. Yours is good, but everyone else's stinks.
On the one hand I feel bad that Jeniffer Lawrence privacy was invaded, but on the other hand...well that hand is busy.
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11-01-2014 08:10
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Jesus wakes up one day to find only 11 Disciples with him. "Okay who the hell unfollowed me?"
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02-25-2015 11:14
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promoting global warming.
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02-16-2009 14:55
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Advanced age my butt. The Pope is stepping down to take a job at the Boy Scouts because of the shortage of alter boys.
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02-11-2013 08:40
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My homeless Sign would be... "Why live in a 1 million dollar house, when you could live under a 30 million dollar bridge"
I think Ninja is actually spelled Kninja but the "K" is not only silent, but you can't even see it because it's F'ing NINJA!
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07-09-2013 02:45
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