Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To all the single ladies out there who for some reason own a cat, please don't show up on your date covered in cat hair, its a huge turn off. Sincerely, every man in the world.

   saw some mexicans beatin some white guy with sticks in tge street. I yelled, hey, ...hey..thats a man, not a pinata..

   Back in 82 I was told to wait a cotton picking minute... I'm still waiting, how long is that exactly?

   I'm sorry, but any man who says his Wedding Day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an over-head kick on FIFA 12.

   Please , with all that is good in life ..shoove those lemons up your backside ??

   In case I die, please update my status as "no more copy and paste". My password is ********** Thanks

   someone ate half my black crayon, the built in box sharpener is jammed, I have checks to write, gonna be one of those days

   I Hate Fake people! Go back to China where you were made!

   Woman! Can't live with them, can't live with them.

   a lot of ppl tend to over react to the situation before even knowing the true story

   Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits!!

   "The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." -- George Washington

   How sad Amy Schumer broke up with Kermit the frog.

   If Facebook shutdown people would be in tears, shoving pictures of themselves in front of mirror in bathrooms and showing on people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"

   Just because you're in a committed relationship, doesn't mean you can't have friends of the opposite sex.

   People that are voting for Trump because Clinton is a liar are the same type of people that smoke Camels because Marlboros cause cancer.

   I bet I can maı̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨ke you wipe your computer screen.

   beware of the "Facecrook" who keeps stealing my friends !!

   A Careless Man: What the Bush Memoir Reveals

   my mum thinks LOL stands for "lots of love" and texted me "Your uncle just died. LOL."