Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ctrl + C ... Plagiarism Simplified

   The cops found a missing person with nappy hair, crusty feet, doo-doo stained undies, holding a Happy Meal bag. I'm worried SICK... are you okay?

   Wishing the King a happy 76th Birthday, where ever he is.....

   ladies only naked K-Y Twister tournament at my place tonight at 9pm.

   after hearing about the world coming to an end soon I feel that it is my duty to warn you all as friends that when the zombies are chasing....i will trip you !

   Follow what you Love, Learn what you Live, and eventually you will Live what you Love...

   Alabama maybe 49th in unenployment and 4th in crime but we are #1 in college football. Go SEC.

   Thinking about starting a 80s themed oatmeal delivery company.I`m leaning towards naming it Haulin` Oats.

   Wade: I just got your email...it says I'm fired...oh don't worry about that...I get unlimited emails..

   LOCAL CHICKEN FARMER HIRING STAFF FOR XMAS, $ 19.50 HR. I told them about your experience handling c*ck, you start Monday......

   If my MTV carreer doesn't work out I think i'm goin to buy a gun.. and sell crack. I'll be a friendly crack dealer though, nothing too formal. I'll just be like 'what's up, want some crack?'

   I hate how mainstream and famous the miners have become. I liked it when they were a bit more underground.

   What's 7 inches long with a purple head and women love it? ... A twenty pound note!

   I am not childish!! Stop calling me that you big doo doo head.

   wear his wife's eyeglasses because she wants him to see things her way

   Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.

   if you replaced every time you read, wand, in a Harry Potter book, with the word Willy, the hilarity is immense.

   Trying to quit smoking. By the way.. Apologies go out to the mormon missionary eating the junior mint..I tried to tell you..I don't do mormon but menthol is my brand...I hope your recovery goes quickly.

   today will mostly be dry with a few wet patches but enough about my trousers

   I've created a Facebook group called "Threesome" and invited two girls. Now just waiting and see what happens..